Nov 23
Well this was a week we didn’t anticipate. I found out I have colon cancer which seems kind of crazy to even write because 4 days ago I had NO idea this was coming.
I had no premonition, no feeling that something was up…. so, the way we found it left me no doubt that God’s hand was in it.
The details are here and I appreciate all the love and prayers but I am writing this all down for myself, so I can look back and remember.
A year and a half ago Jonathan and I both did a Cologuard test (basically a mail in stool sample kit) that our doctors ordered because of our age. I remember Jonathan getting his results but I never heard anything about mine so I just figured it was all fine.
A couple months ago I was thinking about hormone therapy and going over who I might talk to about it because I already knew my primary docs opinion (she doesn’t like them) but I had the feeling I should just go talk to her anyway- maybe she had read some new literature etc. I got to the appointment and no, her opinion hadn’t changed but as she looked over my chart she asked if I had ever followed up on the Cologuard results. Turns out I never knew the results had been positive for some kind of irregularity and she wanted me to get a colonoscopy asap. (I wasn’t one bit worried about it, I know there are false positives or maybe it was a polyps or something.)
I went in for the colonoscopy on Wednesday with not ONE bit of apprehension. In fact, I almost canceled it two times because I honestly thought it would be a waste of time, I had NO symptoms of anything and I had things I needed to do this week. But Jonathan said “No just go, you should get it done.” Alllllllright.
I went in and the nurse Jonny was so good. I asked her if I HAD to be sedated because I didn’t want to be loopy all day and she said no! So I was awake and alert the whole time which turned out to be a HUGE blessing in the way I have been able to process this.
Long story short they found a large mass. Even as I looked at it on the screen, I didn’t feel scared or panicked (really more just shocked) and I was able to ask lots of questions and be completely aware of everything that happened. They took a bunch of little biopsies and I really appreciated the doctor’s honesty when he told me it was more likely cancerous than not, but we would get confirmation from the biopsies and do a cat scan to be sure.
We didn’t think the results would come back till Monday or Tuesday (!!!) but Thursday morning I had a distinct feeling to check my phone and I saw that I was able to get my CAT scan scheduled, and I got it done before noon. Then my doctor called us with the biopsy results that afternoon.
What a blessing that we didn’t have to wait longer to know what was going on. We found out that it is cancerous but it hasn’t spread anywhere else in my body.
What a relief to know that! Even while we were trying to be hopeful and not jump to conclusions Jonathan and I spent that 24 hours going through some worse case scenarios, which was a bit emotional but even so I didn’t feel “fearful” just mostly overwhelmed (that’s still the case.)
As I look back at how this all fell into place- the fact that we were able to catch this now instead of years later… that I went to see my doctor even though I knew what she would say about hormones… that I didn’t cancel even though it seemed like a pain to go and do the colonoscopy... I can’t help but feel so grateful. God helped me- despite myself!
Of course, I wish I would have checked my chart a year and a half ago but I am busy checking Ben and Ty’s all the time so I am giving myself lots of grace. (Maybe they should have sent a follow up letter??) But it’s ok, I am on the waitlist for surgery and everything is very hopeful.
I have a lot of things to do and people to take care of so that’s the plan. What a week.
But God IS in the details and even when we might not recognize His hand as we are going through the day to day of life, it is there. I have NO doubt. I cannot give enough thanks for all He has done and continues to do for me and my family. He truly is my Prince of Peace, my Comforter, my Savior.
(And, it just so happens that this is the week my kids came home and Natalie brought our little Scooter pup to me. What a sweet balm to my heart!)